Want a laugh?
Feb. 26th, 2009 07:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
x_erikah_xThank goodness no one was around to hear me as I surfed a website I found: http://thinks.com
It's a collection of lots of useless things like tongue twisters, jokes, full list of fears, and all the things you read when you are utterly bored.
Actual Label Instructions on Consumer Goods
* On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
* On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
* On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
* On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
* On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:(printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down.
* On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
* On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
* On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
* On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
* On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children.
* On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
* On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
* On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
* On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
* On a child's superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
Actual Excerpts From Classified Sections of Newspapers
* Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
* Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
* Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
* Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
* 3 year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
* Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
* Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting off head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
* Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
* For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
* Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
* Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
* We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
It's a collection of lots of useless things like tongue twisters, jokes, full list of fears, and all the things you read when you are utterly bored.
Actual Label Instructions on Consumer Goods
* On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
* On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
* On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
* On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
* On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert:(printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down.
* On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
* On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
* On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
* On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
* On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children.
* On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
* On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
* On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
* On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
* On a child's superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
Actual Excerpts From Classified Sections of Newspapers
* Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
* Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
* Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
* Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
* 3 year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
* Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
* Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting off head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
* Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
* For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
* Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
* Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
* We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
